Modern Man's Hustle

[31 Aug 2006 | Thursday] 

I should really be asleep. I'm supposed to wake for Vegas in something like two hours and change. I should really be asleep. Why is that this shit still bothers me? I'm not supposed to be that person anymore. I hardened the shell. What the fuck gives? I was supposed to be fucking imune to this shit, but it's still fucking there. Those little pins that stick into you when someone says no. Maybe they're too nice to say no. Maybe they pat you on the back and say, "I still want you as a friends." Or "I wouldn't think of risking all we've got if 'it' went south." It's any number or combination of those horrible little things. Fuck them man, fuck feelings, fuck emotions cause they don't get you any goddamn where. Why aren't I asleep? Why am I even pondering this? It's because I'm a fucking pisces. It's in my nature to just feel a little more than most people let on. Or maybe that's just a whole load of bullshit and everyone else goes through exactly what I do, it's just that they have the good common sense to bury it down under their pancreas. Who the fuck knows and better yet, who the fuck cares. I'm just going to stop this now... which, come to think of it, this was actually one of the reasons why I abstained from dating in the first place. I couldn't deal with the little rollercoaster. Sure it was nice once you got past first base and were well on your way to dating problems (hehe), but that waiting to get there crap always got me. You try with one girl and it doesn't work otu for whatever reason, so you try with girl number 2 or 3, and the same result follows. I'm starting to suck at this whole online deal.... and it used to be my strength. I could show my better side here, but you know what... my better side is already showing when I'm out there in the open. I can't be as funny or weird or adorable here as I am in person. No one here, who only knows me here wil ever know how loyal or supportive I can be. They'll never understand "the depths of the ocean I swam until my dying breath" (-Atmosphere fucking rocks). They'll never get it because all I have is a clever first line and it's either yay or nay. -But really when you think about it, that's all any of us ever have. People who have no business judging others do it on a daily basis. Shoot you down in a heartbeat without ever wondering or worrying that the best thing in their life might have just walked out the fucking door. I really should be asleep, but putting myself under someone's judging gaze bothers the fuck outta me. Modern Man's Hustle, Atmosphere Hush little lady don't say a word Or the rest of the village gonna know you're disturbed And if you let them know that you're vulnerable Then there aint no stopping how far they open you slow (yo yo yo) I'm a chapter in yout text book read me like a checkbook Mistook love at first site for a sex look Enough of the blind man's bluff, I want the good stuff Trying to hookup a full belly and a foot rub The modern man's hustle I dig it, I shuffle Feed me your troubles and need me to cuddle (come on) Bundle up in my mitten and coat As cold as it gets I keep your winter afloat So let the snow fall, (it's comin' down) She doesn't want to understand why I still come around She look at the mirror she don't see what I see She holds no history of how precious she be Lay your head on my chest, speak of the stress Kick your feet up and rest, before we clean up the nest I hate to see you upset it cramps the position And if you didn't know you better listen (you better listen) Cause... I will show you all you need to know You must hold on to anyone that wants you And I will love you through the simple and the struggle But girl, you got to understand the modern man must hustle I will show you all you need to know You must hold on to anyone that wants you And I will love you through the simple and the struggle But girl, you got to understand the modern man must hustle