Pam and a Wedding

[15 Aug 2006 | Tuesday] 

I went with Pam to her parent's redeication ceremony yesterday. It was nice, since I always enjoy a party, but really brought up some mixed feelings about Pam and I, and her past in general.All in all, I had a good time. The actualy mass was rather monotonous, but then again what religious ceremony isn't (not to mention the fact that it took place all in spanish, and last time I checked, I'm not exactly the best mexican there ever was). I love these photos and quite frankly the last one is one of the best I've ever taken of Pam. I don't know what it is about that one in particular, but there's this unseen quality to it. Maybe I'm just a sucker for a candid, but I like it. Okay, so that's enough meandering for now. The mixed feelings I brought up earlier came when I sat and listened to some of Pam's past talk and really get into what they normally do. I guess it was just seeing someone act like I imagined Pam might in that same situation. It was disconcerting to say the least. I hated it, more so because that's not the way I am. Sure, demeaning someone is a two way street and there's quite a bit of sub involved on the other person's behalf when they engage into an S&M relationship, but it was just so foreign to me. I couldn't really imagine myself ever taking one of my own relationships to that extent. I live more by the "treat her like an equal and expect the same" lifestyle. That aside, I took Pam into my arms at the party and asked her, point-blank, if that was what she wanted, if being in that sort of relationship was what she desired. I told her if that was so, then I certainly wasn't the man for her. She calmly said no, that if she wanted that, she'd be there, and that she really wanted my at the end of the day. So yeah, my night went well. I only wish I had photos of Pam and I dancing. I loved that most of all.