What's With All The Hubub, Bub?

[03 Jan 2007 | Wednesday] 

It's been a very long time since I've gotten anything off of my chest and quite frankly I just don't know where to start. So much has happened in these past few months. I guess most recently, I actually ended up feeling like a wreak if that makes any sense. I just don't know how to explain it really. There's just so much in mye that wants to come out. Like I'm ready to cry you know? It's all there at the top of my throat and I just want to crumble and give in. Maybe the pressure has just built and built without any relief. Maybe it's that I need to do this more often. maybe it's that lonely thing. I'm not quite sure yet. I just know that I feel shaky.... I should be strong. I'm always the fucking strong one, and I really don't feel that way right now. I feel broken. I feel like no one ever asks me how I'm doing, but that's not right at all. People, my friends namely, care for me a great deal and would rather I unburden my woes on them than feel this way, but I guess I... let me say it this way... I am having trouble finding the right person to talk to. I think that's the best way to say it. There are plenty of people willing to listen, I just happen to be the quiet one. Then there's the matter of a certain ex that's kind of come back into my life with a vengeance. What's strange is that in hanging out with her I seem to be revisiting old feelings and more often than not dwelling on them. We had good times while we lasted, that goes without saying, but I guess in getting lost in the fond memories I can't help but wonder if I'm not just longing to really get out there right now and expose myself (emotionaly, you hethens!) or if I am in fact attracted to her. Went to the doctor's office today and got some good news. I found out that since October 1, I've actually dropped 20 pounds. Here I thought I would have been gaining this whole time what with the holidays and all. Imagine my surprise. This all just puts me that much closer to my goal. 40 pounds to go. It's so close and with me being on the master cleanser for the whole 40 days, I think I might even be able to shed another 20 before my birthday. Who knows, 2007 may be that last of my "big" years. (I'll explain later) New Year's Eve was fucking rocking! Thanks Rod. I loved every minute of it!! Resolution for 2007: NO MORE McDONALD'S! That's right boys and girls, me and the golden arches are no longer buddies (not that we were really before, but I think it'd just be best to say goodbye to them for good this year). Barring a revisit for a six piece chicken nugget in 08, I'm really going to try to never go back there again. That's about all folks. Hope it's been worth the wait.