The Space between Us

[24 Nov 2006 | Friday] 

Lonely hit me today like a bad cheesburger, stinging low and swollen at the bottom of my gut. It's Thanksgiving and though I'm glad to see all of my family, all I can remember is them asking about my newly seperated ex. It's odd in the post-mortem sort of way. I am detached from her, yet still feel there. I mean this shouldn't be what I was going through. During our last few weeks together, I was just waiting for the day when we'd break up. I had distanced myself so much from her, stemming from an incident that didn't exactly lend itself to our growing closer. So I bolted. I checked out in just about every way possible and to put a cherry on top of it all, I came to the realization that we really didn't have much of anything in common. That all important conversational bond hadn't been forged and likely never would because we just didn't have that common ground to stand on. So as I said before, I bolted. I was out of there emotionaly and only stuck around because I didn't really have the balls to make the first move. I guess the hardest part of everything really wasn't that I was repeling after having grown so close to her, but more that I still really liked her. She's a great chick, don't get me wrong, and it's not difficult to see why many a guy has regreted all too late that they missed out on a good thing when they had her. She's great in that sense. -And maybe I was focussing too much on the bad stuff just to make problems where there were none. Maybe that's just one of my trends, something I'm bound to do because I'm not ready for the big "L". I can't say for sure. I can't blame myself fully, because it just might be that I haven't met the right person yet. That's not out of the question. It might be that I still feel unsatisfied. I really don't know. I guess all I can say now, without question, is that I feel alone... lonely more like it. I'm without right now... and that just never feels good.