[01 Nov 2006 | Wednesday]
 | Okay, so it's been a while. I've seen a lot of stuff, and now I've got some time. Se aw~ay we go!  If you've never heard the tale of the Bell Witch, then I highly suggest you take up one of any number of books that've been read on the topic. It's a great story about one of the first American hauntings on record and holds the distinction as being the only case of a death being attributed to supernatural causes. It's rife with details about eerie happenings, creepie voices, and really strange stuff... so why couldn't they take it and make a movie out of it? Your guess is as good as mine on that one. It seems to me that Hollywood always has to come up with some kind of bullshit reasoning because they think the audience will always need to have their why's answered. They just don't get it. Sometimes ahosts just have to be ghosts. -And when it came to the Bell Witch, it was a ghost that was content being a fucking ghost. Instead the writers decided that Donald Sutherland looked better as a child molester and that the ghost was better served as the disembodied spirit of someone STILL ALIVE!! The sad part was that the movie had me going for a bit. It set up a nice premise about a land holder that fucked over a woman that was rumored to be a witch and suspected that she'd cast a curse on him. Good idea. It works well, but hell no. That's too freakin simple. Final Verdict: So here goes folks, one more shit in a bucket from Hollywood. Avoid at all costs. 2/10 (I only give it a 2 because I like Donald Sutherland) Side Rec's: The Haunting, Poltergeist I hope you don't look to Jack Black as some kind of hero or nothing. Sure the guy is funny. Hell he's one half of the Greast Band... Ever! He's a comic genius and comes from one of the funniest think tanks of all time (which also included David Cross & Bob Oedenkirk). He's great! He's terrific! He's brilliant! And I'm pretty sure he'd blow George Bush if the money was right. The guy's a sellout and damn proud of it. He'll do anything for money, but hold your horses if you think I'm getting all judgmental. If I were in his position, I'd do the same exact thing. I'd pander my wares and sell my ass to the highest bidder! Come on people, I'm the guy who took that whole "What would you do for a Million Bucks?" game and brought it down to reality. Sure everyone else said they'd take it up the ass for a mill, but I'm the only one who said I'd do it once a month for somehting like 80 grand a year! I'm a realist. I can't fucking help it. Now back to Jack Black. He's going to make bad movie because he just wants money, and just because the guy behind Napolean Dynamite made it doesn't mean it'll be good. How should I explain Nacho Libre? Have you ever been bored at a movie? I mean really fucking bored? Like you begin asking yourself why the fuck you're doing this, why you're not spensing your time in a better way? That's Nacho Libre. It has all the makings of a good movie. It's should be good. It has all of the right building blocks. It just doesn't commit. Now you might jump up and say that it was a kid's movie and that why it was terrible, but as I recall kids movies in my day took a few more risks than the drek they're feeding the youth of today. Do I need to remind every of The Secret of Nimh? There we had a complex tale dealing with animal experimentation and two societies clashing with one another. There was a mysticism and even an installed religion. Final Verdict: VideoGames don't make kids stoopid. It's Hollywood force feeding our kids movies like these and telling them they're entertainment. 2.5/10 Side Rec's: Disney's Robin Hood, Karate Kid, UHF  Now for the good stuff. The Prestige, a preiod piece set at the turn of the century, tells the story of two rival magicians who each hope to get the attention of a fickle public. It's amazing really how well a magic trick can work on the big screen. I mean we see special effects all day, each time knowing in the backs of our minds that we're always looking at bullshit. Yet, when we're told that it is bullshit, then we almost try to figure out how it can be real. It's a weird mix of intrigue, science-fiction, and drama that weaves nicely with a heavy dose of plot twists that really make this whole film a nice little magice trick in and of itself. Final Verdict: It's a good flick. You'll be entertained. It's got David Bowie, niff said. 8.7/10 Side Rec's: A Movie about magic with David Bowie, if you can think about something similar, call me. |
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