Too Much Time on My Hands

[01 Oct 2006 | Sunday] 

Stayed home from work today (sick), and just spent most of my time either sleeping, doped up on pills, or watching Walk the Line. I don't know what brought on this feeling that I'm feeling, whether it was watching Johnny Cash struggle and eventually attain what it is he'd been working for, or if it's just me being me... but, I guess this is just the time for reminiscing. Wondering what might have been and what is still to come, I find myself in this weird place filled with a certain level of regret for how shitty I've behaved in the past... mostly toward the women I've been with, the few brave souls who've put up with a lot of my shit. Looking back on those times, I guess I'm just noticing how good I had it. Those girls, for the good part, have all moved on and are now in very awesome situations (I'm happy for you. I truly am.). I don't know, I'm not trying to have this be a whole woe is me bullshit fest. I fucked up in a lot of these situations and I own that, you know? I can't change what's been done. We can only learn from our mistakes and hope to not repeat them in the future. I guess I'm just at a what's next? sort of phase. I have work things to think about, some relationship things to consider, and even some my place in the world things to think about. I guess I just wanted to share what's been running through my head.