Questions about Loneliness

[05 May 2005 | Thursday] 

Chuck Palahniuk wrote, in Choke I believe it was, during a coversation, "You seldom talk about yourself and your problems and secretly detest people who talk about theirs with you." Or something to that matter, all I know is that in reading that I really felt like he was explaining me and my situation. The problem is I tend to be very self-reliant and independent and thus try to solve my problems myself. I guess that really can lead down roads I wouldn't prefer. I mean, I never really know if I've fully dealt with something. How do any of us really know? Sure you think you've dealt with low self esteem and then all it takes is one a**hole to knock ya back down. Anyway, back to what I was saying... I'm worried that my whole way of doing things has cut me off from the rest of the world. Most of my relationships to date have usually ended with me not feeling as though I never really ever had any sort of connection with them. Maybe this is the way it will always be. Who knows? And then again maybe it was just the people I was dating at the time. Maybe they just weren't the right people for me. I really can't say for sure. It all just makes me think that I'll never be able to connect with anyone. About the only time I ever really felt on the verge of anything real was during one of my first relationships, a very long time ago. That was another time though and I've moved on and become a very different person, more calloused, more jaded, harder to reach. Life just does that to you, right? Is that just what I have to expect? Is that all there is? Fuck, I hope this isn't getting all wishy washy and adolescent. I'm just worried is all.