[23 May 2006 | Tuesday]
 | So I did it again. I was the nice guy I always hoped I wouldn't be. Was talking to this girl that had the all the possibilities of being someone in my life and it turns out she has another in her life that she's not completely over and hasn't really dealt with. I guess all i can say at this point is oh well, better luck next time. I don't honestly know if being what I am is something I really want to forsake. It's who I am afterall. No matter what I do, I'm always going to be that wonderful guy that girls SHOULD want, but not often the guy they go to. Is that me being down on myself or having less self-esteem though? Does that mean I see my worth as less than it is? I'm a great guy at the end of the day. I know this. The people close to me know this. I don't think I have to question it really. It's just fucked up knowing and not being able to do much about it. See, look... great guy! I guess in the end I just want someone to see me, appreicate me, and act on that. I'm sick of empty promises and even emptier gestures. Someone just needs to say, "Alex, you're a great guy! I wonder why no one has swept you up! Fuck, you're mine!" Ah... to dream...
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