This cycle never ends....

[23 Jan 2006 | Monday] 

What is it about love... or at least the quest for love that makes people do such stupid/horrible things in the name of its acquisition? We feel so petty, so worthless, so incapable of loving, and undeserving of being loved. We go through a hundred and one emotions.... ...and would likely do it all a hundred and one times again if it meant a guranteed pot o' gold at the end of our proverbial rainbows. So what am I doing here again? What's the point? What bus brought me here in the first place? Oh yes, Crazy/Beautiful. That sad/sappy Kirsten Dunst movie about the mexican boy from the poor side of town hooking up with the troubled rich girl and their trials and tribulations along the way to eternal love. It's a story that's been told with slightly tweaked details for about a century or three. Old news. Been there, but sadly never done that. So why not me, God? Why can't I sink that 30' jumper to win the game? Why can't I just be someone's fucking hero? Where in the good book does it say that Alex is destined to be the forgotten misunderstood one? Why do I gotta be the next best thing to the consolation prize? When God, when?! When's gonna be my time?! See, now I'm just getting off the subject. I just wanted to have my sad moment after listening to a bunch of love songs and a story about something that would likely never happen to me, because I (choose one of the following): a.) Don't have the right body. b.) Have a deeply seeded fear of love and exposure (emotional, fuckers) c.) Always manage to fuck things up because of a fear stemming from either or both A.) & b.). Fact is, I'm sick of everyone telling me that my day will come... eventually; or that I'm a great guy and someone will see it.... someday; or (in a drunken stupor) that I should just see what gay feels like, "Cause I'm lonely too, and you gots yerself a pretty mouth"..... (looks at no one in particular, Donovan). hahahahahaha Just messing folks, besides I think I'm a little too anal to be gay....  ...... ....... oh come on, that was fucking funny! Okay, so in synopsis: No love for Alex. Alex sad. Boohoo. Why not for Alex? Why God, why? That's about it. Thanks for listening. The End-