Valentine's Day was a Tuesday, but last night was Wednesday...

[16 Feb 2006 | Thursday] 

A co-worker of mine told me, the last time we went drinking, that he feared that because his dad wasn't really a part of his life that he never got the lesson that maybe men weren't ever meant to love women. He took his own situation into perspective: that of a military father who was always away yet remained married to the same woman for as long. They're supposed to be in that sort of loving relationship, the kind that binds two people together and yet are constantly apart. Maybe it's that seperartion that allows them to be together in the end, or maybe it's that they just suit one another.... not love or need or can't live without... just maybe that they suit one another. A friend of mine and I were talking about a girl from my past. She asked about this girl and I said that we were cool, nothing new and yet nothing terribly bad. I asked why it seemed like she was pressing the subject, and she answered that she wanted to see us together. When I asked why, her answer was that she felt we complimented one another. It struck me that there I was being pushed toward someone that I really didn't feel overly compelled toward. I felt as though I should love this person, because after all it seemed as though we suited one another. Now I feel torn, because honestly I feel a lack of passion all around. I don't know what to do because I feel almost as though there is no real love for me. Am I just supposed to take what is given me... without question? Or am I supposed to strive for more? The only thing I know right now is that last night I watched two people I know get close. They were strangers before last night and then suddenly it just kind of clicked. Now I don't know the reality of the situation, but at the time they looked happy. I guess I just missed that: he sitting with he back pressed against his chest. I love that sort of thing. I live for that, and yet I feel neglected and overlooked. Valentine's Day was just another tuesday, no big deal, but last night... for the first time in a long while... I felt like I was missing out.