Useless piece of-

[28 Apr 2006 | Friday] 

Do you ever feel like you're going to die? Maybe not so much that you are. Maybe you just feel like you should, like your existence is at most an insignificant mess that's just begging to be swallowed up by the unfaltering jaws of Cthulu. Maybe you should be forgotten, a slight memory that's better left as an afterthought. "Hey, whatever happened to-? I'm sure he's good. He was always very smart." Maybe that would have been best. I spent the morning in the shower just staring at my crappy tile, wondering if maybe we were all on the inside of a great celestial bubble, and that maybe just maybe there was another existance, another me and a whole other world. Maybe that me is over there and he made the most of his faculties. He did something with his life. He took all of the big risks. Hell, he ever finished school. He just didn't let life slip away one grain at a goddamn time. He just didn't let it all mean nothing. I sometimes wonder if this is me, if this was the plan laid out for me, if my journey was always set on this path of looking down my nose at ordinary, dull people while slowly becoming one of them myself. I always laughed at people who appeared so stupid, but honestly which is worse? They might do and say idiotic things, but that's who they are and they really can't help it. You on the other hand, you see things in a way they can not. You have no excuse and yet look at yourself. You're useless, nothing more than a big heaping waste of mess.What have you got to say for yourself? I don't quite know where this will lead to. It's just been so very long since I said anything worth saying, and I've just about had enough of that.