[06 Jan 2006 | Friday]
 | Did you ever notice that when you have a fresh wound, it seems like anything and everything is just trying to pick at it? I was walking into Fry's today (big shock), and for someone reason I got into one of my thinking moods. I got very quiet and basically went about my business with a half grimace. I started to wonder if I was just a really sad motherfucker or not. Is it always there, just boiling just beneath the skin? Is my happy face just a cardboard facade? Am I doomed to be the lonely soul, spilling my thoughts onto an unresponsive keyboard, hoping someone will hear my words? I know, I know, that was just a little over-dramatic, but hey, I'm a writer okay? This is what I do. Back to my point though: as I was walking through Fry's I caught myself looking at people, men and women together and I started cradling this little bit of envy with me. I wondered what they had done to get to that point. Every family I saw made me think that here was someone who had all of their shit figured out and was so much in love that they decided to bring another life into this world. Even I knew that was a load of bullshit as soon as I thought it. The truth is most people in relationships are unhappy with one if not more aspects and a good portion of those same people are planning their great escape. -And don't even get me started on the families! So where does that leave me? Envying relationships that aren't very good to begin with? Wanting exactly what I'd wish to get rid of three months down the road? I don't know. I realize the futility in this. I realize that I'm just grinding my gears on this, because.... well, because I'm lonely. It takes an awful lot to reach me, and I just haven't been touched in a very long time. I feel like reaching out for a stray leg and latching on for dear life, crying into the folding cotton sheets of a dress. It's a very childish/simplistic urge that's forming in me. I'm like a kid abandoned at the mall. My mom's gone and for the life of me I have no idea what the fuck to do. It's powerlessness. It's drowning in the middle of a desert. It's overdosing on syringes filled with air. It's emptiness. It's an over-exageration from a guy who's just gotten out of a reltionship. FUCK, I need to meet someone! Here you go: All Points Bulletin going out for a girl that looks like Thora Birch from Ghost World and can talk video games and comic books. Anyone fitting this description should call me, cause I'm a good guy and will do my damndest to make ya happy. Anyone who knows someone like this and can help further my cause with said girl will be entitled to a third of the monetary value of my will. Keep this in mind: books will be sold and the rights from said novels will be worth a whole helluva lot! ...or Alyson Hannigan... also a very good choice |
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